I am just coming out of the feeling crappy days, almost 10 as usual. This round of side effect days saw me having a pity party and staying in bed for the better part of two days.
Pity parties are generally held on the sore throat days where nothing helps me feel better. The only things I care to get out of bed for are to feed Vodka and then to feed myself, since despite feeling awful I am always hungry. I describe myself as a fussy child on these days. I feel like I am whiny even though I am only speaking in my head and I don’t know what I want. As the list of misery grows to include being tired, whiny and everything on the inside of my body hurts in some creepy way, add the simple need for food which should be easy to fulfill. Aha, the brilliant idea of ordering take out, although that came with its frustrations too. What the hell is skip the dishes? and why does it not work for me?? technology was not my friend this Wednesday!! so I was thankful when the restaurant answered the phone, yes the good old telephone that hangs on the wall, some of us still use them! like me! so I could order the old-fashioned way!! This kind of frustration is not what I need on days when I am doubting and questioning everything. Feeling way too sensitive when technology totally pisses me off and interferes with my need to eat, and eat NOW!!! The best place for me on these days is to be in bed, sleeping. I am in no mood for anything and somehow even Vodka knows to behave on these days.
Fed and back into bed for the next phase of the pity party, waking up every few hours and the thinking begins, dreaded thinking! I wake to the sound of purring and a happy cat beside me, awake again and now the good vs evil conversations with myself begin. I feel like crap and this sucks, I don’t want to go though this again. Three more rounds to go, ugh! I don’t want to! The back and forth chatter in my head carries on for a while until I fall back to sleep. In the end I convince myself that I can do this and it will get better. Reminding myself that I have many people and places to see in this world!!
I have been asked if I have bad days since I am generally cheery? The answer is yes, I do have times when I am feeling discouraged, annoyed, frustrated, tired of feeling physically sick and in a bad mood. The infamous pity party comes to my world too! After it’s over I give myself credit that it is quite ok to feel the darker side of this experience and feel a little sorry for myself one or two days out of every twenty-one. 😉
Today I am on the mend, baking focaccia and apple desserts. The house is warm and smells delicious on this cool September day.
I sparkle on…one day at a time. 🙂