~ one year on the good side! ūüéČ

It is almost two years since this health adventure began, which seems long ago and yet feels like yesterday. This year has been filled with memories on anniversary dates of the things that I have experienced. Today being a very important one. Last year on this date my doctor called to give me the results of the PET scan and the news was great, I was in remission!!! So this anniversary is meaningful as the first year is an important one to get through. 

So thankful for sparkle shields!!!  ✨✨✨

I still believe in the power of sparkles! I think I always will. It may be silly to some and seem like I am covering up how I truly feel. To each their own. Since I still have a scar tissue mass in my chest that I feel every day, I continue to visualize it encased in sparkles to keep it contained. Whatever it takes to put my mind at ease. 

Now to get on¬†with life! To find the answer to the nagging question in my head…what do I want to be when I grow up? That is a tough question. Since the socially¬†acceptable norms have never added joy to my life this may be interesting and take Vodka and I to new places. We will see what I¬†discover¬†that appeals to the new normal me. ¬†ūüėČ

Still sparkling…one day at a time ¬† ūüėÉ

~ walking an emotional tightrope…

For some time now I have been feeling like I am walking an emotional tightrope and am one step away from falling off into emotional darkness. 

Living in constant pain is a struggle. Each day I talk myself into being jolly and moving forward. So I work to keep my balance on the tightrope since the darkness below looks cold and unwelcoming. My preference is to stay on the bright side where the sparkles are yet the darkness keeps pulling at me. 

Today I feel like I slipped on the tightrope and am now tangled up in it. I went for the CT scan of my neck to see if there is a connection to the pain in my wrists and found out it was to be a scan with contrast, which meant another IV needle. Immediately my heart sank even though I tried to be brave. I explained to the nurse what I have been through and how my veins are not happy to be poked and to please not jiggle the needle around if it doesn’t take. He understood and tried his best but the IV didn’t work. I immediately began to cry, which totally surprised me, and said to him ‘please don’t try again, can we do the scan without contrast. Now that I am worked up the IV won’t work.’ So he spoke to the radiologist and we did the scan without contrast. Hopefully the doctors will be able to see what they need to see.¬†

I am still in a pretty sad mood after this and can’t help feeling that I can’t do this anymore. I am so tired of appointments and needles. ¬†¬†ūüė¶

It is definitely time for time away to build up my mental and emotional strength.  I need to build up some sparkle to get me through.

I sparkle on…one day at a time. ¬†¬†ūüôā

~ another follow-up passed and onto an exciting countdown!!

Happy to say that I have passed another follow up with flying sparkles! Well for the most part. I am still¬†having issues with my hands and wrists. To the point that I have stopped¬†working¬†because the pain is with me 24/7 making¬†everything in life quite¬†difficult. The doctor has ordered some additional¬†tests and referral to a neurologist to examine the issue further. Side effects are¬†miserable and these are not the only ones I am experiencing…¬†

Strange as it may seem, there is something called treatment induced menopause. I had been told about this in the beginning of treatment and kinda giggled at the idea. Well now that I am officially in this state I am not giggling so much. Instead I am wondering if this unnatural push into a new physical state is playing a role in the misery of my hands and wrists. With my greater concerns about this being related to bone density loss and increase of heart issues. Time will tell. Just another odd  event in this health adventure that one would never have anticipated. 

Over the last few months my¬†hair has been growing. This is a good thing. Most people ask if I will grow it out and I get¬†caught up in the idea and say yes!! I had thought this was a good idea until my hair reached¬†about 2 inches in length, making it a fluff ball and¬†looking like Blanche from the Golden Girls! The texture of new chemo curl hair is course and somewhat dry with a mind of its own. At this time my hair is super thick, I think even more so than it was before which is¬†seriously thick! So I bought some wide headbands and was convinced I would grow it. After a lot of bitching and complaining¬†about my¬†hair and one day of wearing a headband¬†followed by sincere apologies to my¬†follicles that were cursing me, I booked an appointment to cut my hair super short! After the cut I was once again happy and came to the realization that I am the most miserable I have been¬†through this whole experience because of my hair!! It’s now four¬†weeks later and Blanche is emerging again…cutting it off tomorrow before I start bitching again! Sad but true!¬†

At my follow up appointment yesterday I shared my hair and misery realization with my doctor. She and I had a laugh about this since I have been a pretty relaxed and calm patient overall. I was relieved to learn that my hair is currently in an abnormal growth process, since it all grew in at once and none falls out! Over time the growth pattern will continue to change, perhaps in good and bad ways, and hopefully normalize. Learning this is a tremendous relief. Now I am happy to keep my hair super short and maybe even shave it again over the next few years! After all I have more important concerns with my body and state of health than my hair. 

Only a few sleeps until I depart for a nice long rest period in Europe. I am looking forward to visiting friends and relaxing. A change of scenery in my favourite places to rejuvenate my soul and enhance my healing is just what the doctor ordered.  Adventures here I come!!  

I sparkle on…one day at a time. ¬† ¬† ūüôā

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